


The Future Looking Back at Us

by Hel be praised (Silvertounge)



Series: Days in the lives of Jim and Spock [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-23 02:52:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12496980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silvertounge/pseuds/Hel%20be%20praised
Summary: A lone figure stood up on the balcony, watching the ceremony with a fond look, or as fond of a look as you’d see on a Vulcan. The sight of him made Jim’s chest ache somewhere in the vicinity of his pounding heart.Jim knew Spock as he was now, knew his dry humor, knew the minute expressions that ran across his face, understood what varying degrees of eyebrow movement meant. When thinking of him now, it was odd to think that he already knew what Spock would look like in old age, knew how he’d walk and talk.Knew, without a doubt, that eventually he’d be alone.





	The Future Looking Back at Us

Everyone Jim knew watched him proudly as he stood before all of Starfleet, awarded not only for his bravery but, he liked to think , for his dumb luck as well. He’d managed to keep the entire crew safe, save a massive portion of the Vulcan population, and kick Nero’s ass while only damaging part of his starship. 

The applause was deafening, he’d gone from known a small farm boy driving cars off cliffs, to the youngest captain the fleet had ever seen. He knew he still had a long way to grow, but he felt more rounded now; maybe even more responsible.

A Starship Captain. 

He stepped into the crowd slowly, somehow everything he’d done; every decision, every mistake, every moment had led him to this. 

It was…. overwhelming to think that everything could possibly be so predetermined.

He felt eyes burning into him, turned his head to meet Spock’s curious gaze following him firmly. Jim took the time to spare Spock a warm smile, noticing the subtle relaxing of muscles around his boyfriend’s mouth in the closest thing Jim would get to a smile in public.

It was odd to think that in a couple days’ time he would officially be captain, and his boyfriend would be his first officer. He was serving with the people who had wormed their way so firmly into his life, for as long as he was able he’d never want it to be any other way. 

That was how it would be. Blue eyes cast a curious gaze around the auditorium, students and faculty watched the entire crew with pride. The sounds worked their way into his ears, elevating his heart rate excitedly. Was this how it would always be for them? Was this the future they were meant to have had?

A lone figure stood up on the balcony, watching the ceremony with a fond look, or as fond of a look as you’d see on a Vulcan. The sight of him made Jim’s chest ache somewhere in the vicinity of his pounding heart. 

Jim knew Spock as he was now, knew his dry humor, knew the minute expressions that ran across his face, understood what varying degrees of eyebrow movement meant. When thinking of him now, it was odd to think that he already knew what Spock would look like in old age, knew how he’d walk and talk.

Knew, without a doubt that eventually, he’d be alone. 

Just like the Spock on the balcony. The mind meld on the ice hell hadn’t been the first one he’d been privy to, and after putting some of what he’d seen and what the older Spock said together Jim had mulled through to a painful realization.

The Jim in his time had been Spock’s bondmate. 

In his time on his Enterprise he’d had a Jim that was his. He’d shared moments, and kisses, and time with a Jim that had died long before Spock been thrust into the wrong time. Spock had to come to terms with the death of his bondmate, only to be thrust into a time where he as once again alive, but not his. Not exactly. 

Was it wrong that he hoped, more than anything, that such a thing would never happen to his Spock? 

The crowd thickened around them, giving him the perfect moment to slip away silently. Outside of the hall was blessedly quiet, and the sound was contained as he climbed the stairwell up to the balcony where, in a way, his future waited. 

Vulcans did not love temporarily. They did not want for only a moment. Once Spock had left Uhura, and established a preliminary bond with him Jim knew that was it.

There was no going back.

The balcony echoed with the contained whispers of those standing so far below them. His boots clicked lowly against the polished floor, alerting the other to his presence giving Spock enough time to turn toward him with a fond smile.

Jim offered the ta’al, switching from standard to Vulcan easily. It was a familiar ritual, something he did often with his own Spock.

“Ambassador,” he walked toward him smiling in recognition of the ta’al given back, “Live long and prosper.”

A low chuckle greeted his words, followed swiftly by an equally formal greeting, “Captain Kirk, Live long and prosper.” 

There was a tone of humor threaded through Spock words, but also one of longing. Jim couldn’t help but wonder how life had been in this Spock’s time. Was this something they had done often? Was it a joke between them, formality an absurd opening in the face of one’s bonded? 

Jim’s Spock enjoyed it immensely, always concluded it by sliding their fingers together in a slow kiss. Something quiet and private between them even in the midst of a crowded space. Jim couldn’t imagine they’d all been so much different from how they were now. 

“Is there a reason you have left the festivities below?” Spock had clasped his hands behind his back watching the people milling about below their feet, “It seems only logical that you would celebrate with your crewmates.”

“Logical yes,” he leaned his elbows against the rail, pushing blonde wisps from his eyes quietly, “but also loud.” 

They shared a look, before turning away once again, “I can’t help but think that this is what we were meant to be.” Blue eyes swept the crowd, easily finding his Spock, standing stiffly next to a laughing Bones.

The Spock here tilted his head in agreement, words slow and measured, “It is in fact, a welcome sight. I find, logically of course, that the only surprise in this scene is that you are all so young.”

“Are we?” 

“I did not serve with my Jim until he was 32 earth years old,” his eyes swept him slowly before moving away again, “You and Bones did not know each other quite as long, in fact I’m not sure you two were acquainted until the Enterprise.”

That was surprising, what the hell had he been doing with his life all those years? 32 and only just then becoming the Captain? Had he taken more time in school? Had he entered the fleet late?

Like always, Spock seemed to know exactly what was going through Jim’s mind, “You had a five-year career at Starfleet, which was normal. You served aboard the USS Republic before becoming captain,” he stood so still, “you have to understand under…...optimal circumstances it takes much longer to come into these positions.”

Jim’s hands tightened on the rail, the idea of serving with a different crew than his now seemed utterly foreign. Taking a position on a ship away from Bones would have sucked now; maybe it wasn’t so bad then Spock had said he knew them both later in life. Maybe…Maybe if Jim’s dad had lived his mother would have stayed in San Francisco, he’d never had moved to Ohio, never been on Tarsus, never run away from the fleet.

It was terrifying to think that his entire life could be undone so easily.

“Your time is as it should be. Logically there’s no reason for you to live the life you might have once had.” 

It was so surreal to hear the age in his voice, to know that one day the rich deep tone would tumble into a low gravel. It was odd to think that he would be around to see those changes, to watch as Spock aged. 

It was just as painful to think that Spock would watch the same thing, only to have Jim leave him years before he’d really be old. Even if Jim managed to live past 100, Spock would be hanging on for years after. Jim felt as if he was flaunting all of this in front of Spock, like he shouldn’t have come up here. Shouldn’t have made him look on something that was no longer his. 

“I’m….” his throat felt tight and scratchy, “I’m so sorry you had to see me again.”

The silence surrounding them was deafening in its intensity. He could imagine that Spock’s mind had actually ground to a stop under the weight of his declaration. 

A low sigh escaped beside him, it seemed to come from some deep place within Spock, “Ah. I did not realize that you knew.”

“I figured it out after Spock,” Jim looked down, “well my Spock initiated our bond.” He bit his lip sharply, “I put everything together after that.”

It all had made sense. How Spock acted when he’d first seen Jim. The instinctive hug he’d wrapped him in, the deep-seated confusion when Jim had disclosed the nature of Spock’s relationship with Uhura. The entire time they had moved to find Scotty he’d been watching Jim closely, illogically fussing over him until they were safely inside. 

“I do not regret seeing you this way,” Spock smiled fondly, allowing his emotions to bleed through in this moment, “I never knew him so young. It is…” he paused again switching from Vulcan to standard as easily as breathing, “exhilarating to see what he was before. You are by no means the same person as he was.”

“It’s close enough to hurt though.”

“I knew when I bonded with Jim that eventually he would leave me,” there was no sorrow in his voice, “I chose to spend the time I could have with him rather than worrying about an inevitable future I could never change. You are so like, and unlike he was.”

Anyone with a brain could hear the adoration in his voice, could see the love he’d held shining from his expressive eyes.

Jim moved forward impulsively, hugging Spock tightly in a fit of illogical human emotion he couldn’t control. 

Spock’s arms came to rest around him gently, he was tall enough that Jim’s head fit snugly under his chin; just like it was with his Spock.

“It is my duty as a former first officer to warn you that this is a violation of Starfleet code,” his words sounded practiced. Like a ritual spoken over and over, engrained bone deep on his skin.

“Fuck the code.”

“That,” this time, Jim could hear the tears in his voice, “is what he always said.”

If Jim noticed how Spock’s voice shook, or the way his arms tightened almost painfully around him, he never made mention. Jim simply let Spock have this moment, one more time with his bondmate. Even if he wasn’t the same Jim, everything was close enough.

Spock pulled away first, allowing Jim to step back into a professional space. They stared at each other for a few more moments; Jim a vision of the past, Spock the promise of the future.

“Spock,” he held the ta’al steadily smiling warmly, “Live long and prosper.”

“Thanks in part to you I have.” His voice was steady once again, “Peace and long life Captain. May you find exactly what you need amongst your crew and the stars.”

He watched silently as Jim turned and strode away, back down the stairs, back into the crowd to stand confidently next to his own Spock. 

When Jim found his Spock he spared Jim a look, moving closer silently. Their fingers met briefly behind his back, a sizzle of emotion moving between the tentative bond growing stronger in their minds. 

If someone on the balcony watched their interactions wistfully what did it matter? They were the future unfolding before his very eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all!  
> If anyone is interested, check out my tumblr https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thesunwillneverrisehere. I post alot of stories and commissions there as well.


End file.
